More Than a Good Girl: Living Beyond the Christian Box
Let’s talk about the “good Christian girl” box.
You know the one—quiet, sweet, helpful, never misses a quiet time. She avoids anything that might look a little… messy. She spends her weekends doing service projects, not pickleball or drinks with friends. She’s probably the one wearing a long denim skirt in the corner at a party.
Some of us ran from the box that moment we saw it. (And maybe took it a little far). Others of us have spent years trying to fit into it. Either way, here’s the truth:
That box isn’t a life of grace. And that version of “Christian” isn’t what Jesus had in mind.
I first started noticing it when I’d tell people what I do: teach at a church, write Bible studies, write books about Jesus. The moment I said it, the vibe changed. Suddenly I was the Serious Christian. People would shift their eyes, change the subject or just end up apologizing for cussing.
It was like I’d been sorted into a category that came with a list. A lifestyle. A box.
But here’s the thing: I don’t want to live in that box. And I don’t think you do either.
Many of us hold back parts of our lives from God—not because we don’t love Him, but because we’re afraid of what we think He’ll do with it. We worry He’s going to make us more boring. More boxed-in.
That’s because we’ve bought into fake grace—a version that says you’re saved by the grace of Jesus but now a life of faith means you keep your act together and follow the rules. A life of fake grace always looks tidy on the outside, but it’s crushing on the inside.
Real Grace Isn’t a List of Rules—It’s a Relationship
Real grace doesn’t erase who you are—it restores who you are.
In 2 Timothy 1:9-10, Paul reminds us:
“He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of His own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus.”
Grace is not just what saves us—it’s the power that transforms us. Not into someone else, but into the person God always intended us to be… into the image of Christ that we are meant to represent.
Jesus describes it this way in Matthew 11:28-30:
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life... Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
This isn’t a checklist. It’s not spiritual hustle. It’s relationship. Walk with Me, He says. Learn from Me. Let Me do the changing.
Real Grace Starts on the Inside and Moves Out
Fake grace is like a power wash—blast off the dirt, helps you figure out how to look shiny for a while. But underneath, the cracks are still there.
Jesus had strong words for this kind of clean looking, surface-level religion. In Matthew 23:25-26, He said:
“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence... First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.”
Real grace doesn’t just polish you up—it goes after the heart. The motives. The deep stuff. The things that take a while to figure out. The stuff that gets messy. Because that’s where real holiness grows.
And yes—holiness is still the goal. In 1 Peter 1:15-16, Peter writes:
“Just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: ‘Be holy, because I am holy.’”
When you follow Jesus, he wants to make you holy. But holiness isn’t a costume. It’s a calling that will eventually involve every part of your life. Grace is the power that gets you there, but you move towards change at the time and pace Jesus wants to take you. You are not a fraud if there are parts of your life that God is still working on.
Real Grace Knows You
You aren’t a generic project. You’re a person God sees, knows, and loves.
Romans 6:14 says,
“For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.”
Grace isn’t just an idea—it’s your new Master. One who doesn’t enslave you with fear but walks with you in freedom.
You’re not called to be a non-smoker.
You’re not called to wear the right clothes or attend all the right events.
You’re not called to be the perfect mom or have a flawless quiet time routine.
You are called to be holy. And Grace is the Way.
So let’s tear up the list. Let’s stop trying to scrub up the outside and get back to the heart of what Jesus offers: Come to Me. Walk with Me.
He knows where you’ve been and where you’re going. He knows how to make anything whole and beautiful and holy. Yes - even you. Even that.
You don’t need to be boxed in by someone else’s version of Christianity. You need Jesus - the Way, Truth and Life of real grace.